OK, this is serious

If I am beginning to pack two days beforehand, then we're on to something.

And I'm writing this as a break from running around my parents' place, where I have been sort of moving back to with my things since Monday, trying to figure out what I want and need to take, and being freaked out by the amount of unnecessary stuff I own and have to dig through to get to the goodies that will accompany me to NYC.

So there you go - big things ahead, it would seem!

*     *      *      *      *

Instead of getting myself sorted out before the trip, I've been spending the last days getting good amounts of sleep (most of the nights, at least) and hanging out with friends. I was waiting for the reisefieber to kick in but it was like waiting for the Godot to arrive.

My friends were giving me some incredulous looks, saying how surprised they were to see me that calm when the departure was oh, so close. I have to say I was giving myself a lot of those looks as well and was actually getting stressed out that I wasn't stressed out about leaving. I mean, I'd get those fractions of a second when suddenly it'd hit me that in 5/4/3/2 days I'd be in NYC already, and I'd get goosebumps all over, but they'd be gone as soon as they appeared. I kept on replying them (the friends, not the goosebumps) that well, there was not really all that much to stress out about - I had my tickets, had a place to stay and the money to pay for the trip, so everything else was going to fall right into place, right?

However, today during dinner (I invited my Godmother, from whom I'd been renting my room this past year, and my parents out to spend some time together and at the same time to kind of say thank you without really saying 'thank you') I could feel the tension growing until I almost started crying on the tram back, for no apparent reason. Then I told myself to get over it and well, it seems that the tension's gone.

*     *      *      *      *

What I am tense about, though, is the fact that I was supposed to have my new website up and running by now, getting ready to post my first blog from NYC already there but the friend that's helping me put it up has somehow been unreachable during the weekend. This little thing I am stressed out about, as I was so looking forward to showing you my logo!

*     *      *      *      *

OK, off to pack. Or eat. Or sleep. Or I don't know, maybe it's time to check the weather forecast or something?

Oh, by the way - if you still haven't seen  that I've entered a new travel writing piece for a contest, you can read it here. Apart from reading, I would urge you to vote for me as well. *pretty pretty please*

I can win a 2day long survival techniques training and a bunch of trekking gear, plus I'd get published in an ebook. The money will be given to charity, so it's that much better!

Speaking of ebooks, my last contest travel journal from Sicily got already published but then last night I saw that it vanished from the publisher's fanpage and ebook store. It was supposed to be available till the end of the year, so something's not right. I sent them an inquiry but seems that they don't work on the weekends. Strange much?

OK, now I'm seriously off.

Good night.

Getting my dance shoes ready

Is what I should be doing.

And what I was thinking about doing but then I realised I didn't have my dance shoes any more.

*     *     *     *     *

A lack of a job gives one a lot of time. One afternoon I decided to use that time by searching through the Groupon deals for NYC. All 550 of them.

*     *      *     *     *

5 x 3h Friday hip hop classes at BLADE

1 x flamenco class at Sabor Flamenco

20 x class at Piel Canela

5 x pole dance class at Zack's Dance Loft

6 x belly dance at Drom

20 x kickboxing at World Martial Arts Center

10 x Brasilian jiu jitsu at Brooklyn Martial Arts

1 x Zumba master class thanks to an awsome birthday present

=

68 classes bought so far

Plus, at least one 10class pass for Broadway Dance Center, so together nearly 80h of pleasure already bought.

*     *     *     *     *

Do I see my first purchase on American soil coming up?

Relationships are limiting and other stuff

Somehow, in the age where for the first time in the humankind history people could finally live whatever life they wish for, we've globally decided to deprive ourselves of all the joys and excitment in exchange for a daily routine most of us despise. It keeps on astonishing me day in day out but there's only so many "But it's only up to you to change it!" I can offer.

 *      *     *      *      * 

A couple of months back I met this incredibly positive girl Maggie, a Pole who's lived in Denmark for many years now, and she told me a very wise thing (well, she shared a lot of those, but that's the one I need today), which I'll paraphrase for you - Magda, when I was younger (and she is 3 or 4 years my junior... ekhm) I used to do that as well - use so much energy to try and convince people around me that they had to power to be happier. I'd talk, be excited, give them all the energy I could muster but you know what? Most of the time it would leave them stuck in the same old, whereas I'd be out of energy and would have none left for myself. Everyone's at a different stage and have their own pace, give them the time they need and let them come to you.

Already then I was planning to launch a couple of projects that would be about something more and bigger than myself, as it has mostly been till now. To tell you the truth, I think that's why I've been writing less and less, not publishing so many photos on the other blog - I've grown enough to realise that what I do is not all that meaningful to anybody else and even if it were, as I know people respond to me and my adventures, I don't reach out to as many as I think I could. Many factors contribute to the fact: I'm not "out there" in the virtual world, I do close to no publicity for my blogs, I don't write in Polish (and I think our market needs all the inspiration it can get, especially if one wants to get through to the average Joe, who won't necessarily speak English), the websites themselves are not too userfriendly or interesting yadda yadda yadda.

I didn't use to understand people who'd talk about how they truly want to help others change their lives, it sounded so cliche to me, but now I'm pretty much one of the bunch. These days, I see people look at me the way I used to look at others, whose ranks I trust I've now joined. To end this part of blabbing, let me just tell you that the blog and my writing will be moving onto a different virtual location in the following months and I wholeheartedly believe I'll be able to make better use of my time, energy, the amount of words typed and pictures published.

*      *     *      *      * 

However, going back to the title at hand, I wanted to share a reflection that's been coming back to me the last couple of years, whenever my relationship status was discussed. Namely, when I'd say I like being in a relationship more than being single, people would tell me something along the lines of: Well, but then you couldn't travel so much and you wouldn't be able to have all those experiences and adventures! I honesty never understood why anyone would believe that. 

When I was younger I had a long time boyfriend with whom we were planning some serious world travelling but somehow after a while all I'd hear from him in relation to those grant plans were excuses as to why we'd have to wait another year. At one point in time, we were about to break up the first day we meet personally anyways (I was living in Belgium and he was back in Poland), so one day I decided I'd had enough of waiting and booked my first solo flights, to Madrid and Mallorca. What followed later was a period of intense and, almost exclusively, solo travel. For a long time while in the relationship, I'd hold a grudge against my ex for leading me to believe we'd travel together and not following up on that promise. I used to tell him and myself alike that he was stopping me from setting off and I think it's safe to say it was one of the main reasons that we started drifting apart. Now that I'm smarter, I know he wasn't stopping me from doing anything, I was great at it all by myself. Now that I'm smarter, I know that I should have left on the trips I was dreaming about by myself and it did not in any way have to stay in contradiction to us being together. But back then, I wasn't that smart. So we drifted apart and eventually split up.

I know that for a lot of people coming out from a relatioship feels like regaining their freedom but then it just means that they weren't in a good relationship to begin with, doesn't it? Surely, you wouldn't want to tie yourself to a person who in return ties you down, would you? Or maybe it's not that that person ties us down as much as the neediness we've been taught comes with a relationship? The need to always be together, the need to share all hobbies, the need to do everything together. It's tiring to even think about all those "needs" we empose on those delicate human relations, let alone the process of executing them. 

So when you feel you're being limited by your relationship, stop. Look at yourself, at your partner, at how and what you communicate and re-evaluate. It's either your attitude or not the right partner at the time. We all grow and constantly change, even though we might not realize it. Every book you read, every person you meet, every meal you eat - all of them influence us in one way or another. Luckily, sometimes we manage to grow in the same direction our partners do, which makes for lasting relationships. Sometimes, we find each other only in a given place and for a given time to experience just a part of our life journeys together. Both cases will bring to our lives as much as we allow them to.

Coming back to the "you couldn't travel part" - why the heck not?

Here, to back up my words in the most valid way I could find, I would cordially invite you to visit this website and read all about how a relationship can be the base for a most rewarding and aventurous life.

Running away to the Vikings

You know what they say - if you wanna feel young again, roll with the Vikings!

(Ok, admittedly - I might have made that one up.)

However, that's still what I'm doing this birthday weekend. In order to embrace my age more gracefully (a quarter of a century already!), I've decided to make myself feel younger by spending my d-day (b-day) in a beautiful settings with a looong history. Thus, Oslo - beware!

*      *       *       *       *

In the beginning it was supposed to be just me, then Ewa & me, then like 7 people & me, suddenly 12 people & me. Now, as everyone's been cancelling, up until the very end, it will most probably be 4 people & me. Plus our hosts. Plus their surfers and maybe other CSer. So still quite a party. And yes, I'm counting on being the youngest of the bunch! ;)

*      *       *       *       *

See you from Norway!

I'm not the only one who loves to be right, right?

Not so long ago I shared with you a strong feeling I had, namely that the better and more exciting part of the year was just around the corner. And I was so right.

Still can't come out with everything, as some projects are not finalised yet, but let me tell you - it's gonna be awsome.

*     *     *      *      *

Tonight starts the craziness of the better part of 2012. 

Let me explain how so:

Sat, 08.09 

8:30 am meeting 

10 am a shopping spree 

4 pm a wedding and a reception

Sun, 09.09 

8 am bus to Poznan, 

2 pm have lunch in Poznan

3-3:30 pm back on the highway to hitch hike to Frankfurt an Oder 

6-6:30 pm (hopefully) get picked up by Paula somewhere in her town :)

Mon, 10.09

5 pm leave Frankfurt for Poznan

7:30-8 pm arrive in Poznan for the night

Tue, 11.09

8 am bus to Warsaw

2:00 pm arrive in Warsaw, eat lunch, grab Zumba gear

4:45 pm give a Zumba class

6 pm tutor English

7:30 pm dinner with a French friend

Wed, 12.09

leave Warsaw in the morning and head for the lake region to work at a corporate event

Thu, 13.09

work at the event

Fri, 14.09

2 pm come back to Warsaw

6 pm catch a train to Wolomin (a town outside of Warsaw)

7 pm give a Zumba class

Sat, 15.09

8:30 am - 3 pm attend Kongres Kobiet, a national event focusing on women

4 pm co-host a Zumba marathon

7 pm arrive at WITC end of the season BBQ

Sun, 16.09

10 am - 3:30 pm massage course, this time using coconut bowls

You get the picture or should I go on?

*     *      *     *     *

By the way - a curious thing. 

One of my friend's fb update said something along the lines of "Only 3,5 months and the new year is here:)!", which got me really surprised. In the comments she said that this year has disappointed her and she can't wait for it to be over. So I write her "well, you've 3,5 months to make this year amazing. Ready, set, go!" but I guess she didn't share my enthusiasm. 

Man, why do people prefer to count down till the end of the year already deciding that it's not gonna bring anything good, instead of working at making the remaining time so amazing that it will feel as if the whole year's been superb? I know that it's gonna be the case with me (you'll see just how much so once I get one more set of plain tickets...) and I believe those upcoming 15 weeks are enough for anyone to live some great adventures. 

So please people - ready, set, go!

 

Salad creation - my new favourite pastime

After the night I spent investigating raw food diet, I decided on it being my long term goal. Or at least giving it a shot for a couple of months and seeing how I feel.

I've never had a strong enough will to go on any diet (or maybe I just never truly felt I needed one) and food/eating habits are the part of life I have most difficulties being strict with. Thus, I'm not looking to go all extreme and deprive myself of all the "goodies" ("badies" when you look at it from your health's persective) I'm used to, because it's not about loosing weight. It's about eating myself healthy instead of eating myself sick. I decided to start with being more aware of what I consume and also how much I consume of it, which will hopefully lead to healthier choices.

*     *     *     *     *

"You can either pay the cost of health or pay the price for sickness"

                                       D. Graham

For quite a while now, I've been keeping a record of all my spendings, down to every penny. It helps you understand your spending habits and, if you so wish, enables you to easily see how you could be more efficient with your money (aka stop spedning on unnecessary sh**). Those last couple of days I took a new approach to reviewing my almighty Excel sheet, which is to say that I've classified one month's food spendings and gave different colours to "healthy", "sweets", "unnecessary" etc. Wow, I'm really bad at this health stuff! (even if I am getting better with $ management...)

*     *     *     *     *

I've started avoiding meat and processed foods but hey, you can't change it all in one day! However, I've been trying to eat salads as the two main dishes during the day and munch only on raw products. I did slip by having another Limoni ice cream (seriously, their stuff is just too good), though I did take healthy (sounding) flavours at least! (banana, peanuts)

As I am already beginning to adapt a new approach to eating, I've decided to get more creative with heathy(er) food. 

For example today - for breakfast I made myself a salad consisting of: red grapes, red bell pepper, red and yellow cherry tomatoes, a nectarine and a tiny bit of blue cheese. While I was cutting all the ingredients, my dad was looking at me as if I were crazy. Admittedly, I considered putting some watermelon in there as well, but I chickened out. Maybe it's good that I did, because the taste was better than I imagined! The veggie-fruit combination interrupted by tiny chunks of blue cheese is a revelation to me.  I would have never guessed those things could go together so well. I think I need to trademark it or something. 

For lunch I had to turn to processing a bit - bought big courgettes a couple of days ago and I'm not sure if and how you eat those raw. A bit of olive oil, garlic, hot pepper and a couple of minutes on the frying pan resulted in the basis for my next salad invention. My parents brought a lot of cherry tomatoes from our summer house, so I added more of those to a bowl where the chopped courgette was waiting, plus some raisins and hazel nuts, a small piece of peccorino-like cheese from Milan, sun dried tomatoes and two spoons of natural yogurt. 

The result? Moist and crunchy veggies coupled with the spiciness of garlic and finely chopped hot pepper, the salty cheese mitigated by yogurt, which in turn stands in great contrast with the taste of sun dried tomates. We mustn't forget the occasional sweet surprise in the form of raisins, which are a winning combo with the very few nuts. 

D-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s. (some sunflower seeds would have made it perfect)

If anyone's got any ideas for names for the two above, hit me up. 5% royalties is yours.

Magu's Bucket List #18

Do you have a Bucket List?

I do! But somehow it seems that I always just partially get things done.

Like the "show and dinner at Moulin Rouge", which I did without dinner but was so disappointed with the show that I don't wanna go back there again.

Or "learn to surf on a beach in US" whereas I did so on a beach in Indonesia.

Or "do an internship abroad" which I did in India, but it wasn't quite as valuable professionally as I would have thought, thus not really meeting my criteria for this BL point.

*     *      *      *      *

"Have my article published" is what it says at number 18, with a deadline for 2013.

"Your story has been chosen among the contest works and will be published in our travel journals ebook, to be released beginning of October." reads an email I got around an hour ago.

*     *     *      *      *

I must admit, I feel pretty damn' proud of myself. 

But then again, does a travel story qualify as an article when it comes to my Bucket List #18...? ;)

You are what you eat = towards raw diet?

Was staying at my parents' place for two nights and came back home tonight just to find out that there will be no gas for 3 days, which means no warm water, which in turn means no cooking and no showering. So I'll most probably go back to my parents' place for a couple more nights.

However, the fact that I couldn't cook anything for dinner tonight (was planning cousous with chicken and aubergine in coconut milk...) made me think about the raw diet concept.

*     *     *     *     *

It's not the first time I've thought about it, although it's not been long since I first started playng with the idea in my head. The first time was when I met Maggie, who told me she had to adjust her diet while in Poland and eat 'normal' food, which made her feel worse and gain weight in no time.

I think she's the first raw-getarian I've met. 

I know a couple of vegans and quite a few vegetarians (a guy I was with for over 4 years has been vegetarian since birth), I've even been told by a friend that I'd go vegetarian myself one day, because "I had a vegetarian face" (love you, Chloe baby!).

The truth is I like meat and I never really had a bad conscious about eating it. However, the more I read about nutrition, health and the "quality" of food that we get fed with, the more I'm beginning to question every eating habit I have. And well, it doesn't look good.

*     *      *      *      *

When asked about a proper diet and their eating habits, a lot of people use the excuse of a lack of time to convince themselves it's ok to eat the way they do, even though they know they should change it. I cannot be using that excuse now, as I'm free to cook every day (apart from the time they cut off my gas, but that's once in a blue moon) and for every meal. Why don't I then, why do I keep on eating the same low-quality foods all the time?

It's not really the question of f.e. eating less white bread or less sweets, 3 or 5 times a day, with or without breakfast. It goes way deeper than that. Mostly, it's about the type of products I consume (processed, not bio, cooked) and how much I consume of it (way more than my body actually needs).

*     *     *      *      *

I go around telling everyone how people could use some more self-awareness in their professional and personal lives. How they should start asking themselves "why am I doing this?", find the true motivators behind their choices, or the lack thereof.

I think it's about time to start being more self-aware when it comes to what I fuel my body with and how I affect it by not giving much thought to my eating habits. Maybe not even that, but doing more research on the matter. As I've already mentioned, I never felt the need to go veggie but I always came to the conclusion that the veggie people I got to know where the most knowledgeable when it came to health and proper nutrition. Most of the people I met who did extensive research on how given foods influence our bodies, ditched meat and some other products at one point or another. They might be on to something...

*     *      *      *      *

It's not to say that starting tomorrow, I'm completely changing my diet. However, I think I've finally matured enough to start consciously choosing how I'll reshape my eating habits.

Once upon a time I used to drink lots of Pepsi, Nestea and such. Now, I've a problem finishing a glass of soda. Once upon a time I didn't like drinking plain water. Now I don't really feel like drinking anything else (which many a time is very hard for people to understand, especially when we're out and everyone looks at me as if I'm crazy for not wanting a drink or even a cartonbox juice, opting for water instead).

I didn't use to like so many vegetables! But I made a conscious decision to change it and little by little, I've taught myself to tolerate, than like and finally enjoy the majority of those. 

So this is what I'll do - I'll start eating myself healthy, strong, active and happy. 

Still figuring out what the exact steps will be, so if any of you have some good reading material, I'd love for you to share it either here or on the fanpage. I know it'll be hard, 'cause I'll be fighting with 25 years of habits and the whole environment which doesn't really help the cause of healthy dieting. Also, I throughly enjoy the unhealthy and processed food, or so I think. 

Seeing how I used to love Pepsi and now barely can drink it, I think there's hope.

*     *      *      *      *

A couple of cool sites I've come across, if you're interested in seeing what I'll be aiming at incorporating into my life:

Rawmazing - amazing how delicious those innovative raw recipes sound, can't wait to try them out!

Salad Pride - tens of salads 

Feed me better - healthy recipes in Polish

Dietetycznie w kuchni - a healthy way to prepare some well known dishes, in Polish

Dietetycznie siostro - two Polish sisters showing us how to prepare our fav dishes in a clean healthy way

Rawstaurant - vegan, raw and with videos!

Plus a short article, just to get your juices flowing in the right direction.

*     *     *     *     *

Let me know what your views on a healthy diet are!

So naive it hurts

Whenever people seem to think I travel a lot, I always tell them: Nah, just Europe mostly. Sure, I had my periods of more intense travelling but I wouldn't go as far as to say I did a whole lot of it. 

*     *     *     *      *

However, I must have somehow got caught up with all those praises and in my naïvety, I too started thinking I was well travelled in Europe. So when a couple of days ago a thought of I-know-what-I-should-do-next-year came to mind taking the form of I'll finish visiting all the European capitals, I had the notion of it being an easy task.

Then I went back to the map.

And almost shouted out in shock.

If I'm so well travelled, why are there more capitals I haven't been to than the ones I have??

Out of the 47 recognized ones (incl. Ankara and Baku) on Wikipedia, I've visited 21, with one coming up in 2,5 weeks (Oslo). However, among those 22 there are 5 that I'd like to revisit, as my memories from those places are very vague or I haven't spent enough time in there to get a feel of them (Rome, Ljubljana, Monako, Amsterdam, Zagreb).

So that kind of leaves me with 17 out of 47 capitals.

Well travelled my ass, I tell ya.

*      *      *      *       *

Long story short, if anyone's thinking about visiting any of the below next year (or till Oct 23rd this year) and would like some company, or can give some vital advice about and is willing to share, please step up. 

1. Ankara, Turkey

2. Moscow, Russia

3. Baku, Azerbaijan

4. Podgorica, Montenegro

5. Kiev, Ukraine

6. Tbilisi, Georgia

7. Skopje, Macedonia

8. Vilnius, Lithuania

9. Belgrade, Serbia

10. Riga, Latvia

11. Minsk, Belarus

12. Bucharest, Romania

13. Yerevan, Armenia

14. Helsinki, Finland

15. Tallinn, Estonia

16. Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina

17. Chişinău, Moldova

18. Copenhagen, Denmark

19. Lisbon, Portugal

20. Bern, Switzerland

21. Tirana, Albania

22. Athens, Greece

23. Vaduz, Liechtenstein

24. City of San Marino, San Marino

25. Valletta, Malta

26. Vatican City

 and I'd also add

27. Edinburgh

28. Cardiff

plus the ones I want to revisit

29. Rome 

30. Ljubljana

31. Monako

32. Amsterdam

33. Zagreb

Damn', that would have to be some intense capital sight-seeing! (pun intended)

What do you do for fun?

So I was walking around the city center with those 2 American CSers tonight and at one point Chris asked me: "What do you do for fun?"

And you know what? 

I was actually left speechless for a second, because no clear answer came to mind. Instead, I could see the image of basically whole days of the last weeks and months come rushing.

*     *     *     *      *

Up until not so long ago I'd always have problems to coherently answer another question: "What do you do (for living)?". It'd be difficult to choose the one thing to state first and it was physically impossible to name all four at once. 

*     *     *     *      *

Today made me realise that answers to these two questions have become entwined. 

Seemes like all I can answer to the first one is simply "I live my life", and to the other "A lot of fun things". 

That's a freaking awsome thing.

*     *     *     *     *

I mean, c'mon, today I had ice-cream that tasted like beetroot (surprisingly good), carrot (yummy!), dill (I know what you're thinking, but!, although I don't like the veggie, I loved the ice-cream), beer (I finally have found a type of beer I might learn to enjoy), oscypek (typical regional smoked cheese (!!!)), rosemary with sesame (not really my kind of taste) and basil with lemon (the basil was too strong for me). Oh, plus rum, pistachio and peanut (delicious) - but I guess they're to 'plain' to get overly excited about.

Does it get cooler and more fun than that?

So what fun things do you do in life?

Back to my NYC dance origins

When I was booking my flights to NYC, the trip wasn't to be all about dance. Not even majorly about dance, as I wouldn't be able to afford too many classes.

And then last Monday morning I read a message from Patrice, a French friend living in NYC whom I met on the Lombok volcano trek (and whose NY cap I'm wearing on the pics), in which he sent me an offer from SocialLiving - a Groupon kinda thingy - selling a full month pass at one of the big latin dance school for 30$ (!). Unfortunately, seeing how I was in the High Tatras at the time, I didn't get to answer until 8 hours later, by which time the offer was no longer available. 

However, that suddenly ignited a spark I'd long tried to put down - a dance-oriented stay in NYC was doable. More than that, that's what I was going to make it!

*     *     *      *      *

Today I got another message from Patrice, sending me a Groupon offer for none other than BLADE, the Hip Hop Dance Conservatory I mentioned in my last NY post, the one I first planned on going to those 5 years ago. 

Thus, 

*drums* 

I've bought my first dance classes in NYC!

Five 3 hour hip hop Friday night classes.

Can I get a "whoop whoop"...!?

New York, New York

I've had only one mental block in the last couple of years - going to NYC to learn dance.

*     *     *     *     *

Over 5 years ago I found out about a summer dance program at BLADE - the 1st Hip Hop Conservatory in the world. It was dirty cheap at the time (USD was veeery low and the program was only about 750$ for 8 weeks of classes) but I was younger and scared I wouldn't be able to find a decent room to rent, that I wouldn't have enough cash, that I wouldn't make it. My mind wasn't as open and my heart wasn't as experienced. Or the other way around.

Both the mind and the heart started changing and yet still, I never went. After a while I abandoned the idea of BLADE and moved on to BDC - Broadway Dance Center - because of Luam and her choreos, which I used to watch like crazy about 3-4 years back. They run some short-term dance programs, which are unfortunately a lot more expensive than the BLADE one was, but I was still dreaming of going. Then I stopped dreaming and started gearing up (gearing up = saving every penny), so I could afford to go and learn there for 3 months.

*     *     *     *     *

It was a couple of months after a pretty serious knee injury I had that I went to see Step Up 2 with Paula. By that time I have already given up on dance as a career or anything I could be living off and was planning to visit Marianka, my best friend at the time, who was studying in Indonesia, possibly travel around SEA later . 

I exactly remember how we were in the middle of the movie and I found myself with tears in my eyes. 

Because the routines and dance skills were leaving me speachless.
Because I could only imagine how much hard work it took to get to where they were.

Because I never focused on dance and never really made it a priority.

Because Poland has close to no streetdance culture and I was thousands of miles away from where it was all hapenning.

Because I would never learn from those dancers.

And at that moment I had made up my mind - if I could afford to go bum around SEA, I could definitely afford to go make my dream come true in NYC. I was going to be waiting tables if I had to, but I'd make it. That was in July 2010.

*     *     *     *     *

In August, I had a crazy week during which I alowed myself to be crazy in ways I never had, which in turn saw me deciding on flying to Indonesia anyways (I figured I'd come back after a couple of weeks and work my ass off in Warsaw making up for the money I'd spend) and doing so later in September. On the very same day I came back on my flight from London (was flying thru Kuala Lumpur into London and then to Łódź), so the last day of October, I was reassuring my parents that I'd be staying in Warsaw till April '11, as that's when I was planning on starting my program. And I kept reassuring them and all my friends until exactly a week later, when on a random Sunday evening I met NJ. NJ, my future boss in India.

Going to India didn't have to mean I had to cancel NYC. Actually, ever since it felt as if India was really going to happen (so I guess 3 hours into the 4 hour conversation we had on the night we met), I kept on saying how I had to be free by April. And so it was agreed - I go to intern till March, come back home to repack and set off to Danceland.

Somehow though my plans have changed and already on my flight back to Vienna (was flying Bombay - Vienna and then taking a train to Warsaw) I knew where I had to go next - I was physically missing the South of Spain. BDC programs start every quarter, so it didn't actually have to be April (although I wanted to go there at that specific time, so I would experience the annual NYC dance parade they hold in May). Thus, I decided I could do it after I come back from Spain. That was March 2011.

*     *     *     *     *

Upon coming back from Spain I got offered a job, which seemed like a huge opportunity, so I decided to take it. As you can probably imagine: a) things weren't as peachy b) dancing in NYC kinda got lost along the way.

Ever since those 5 years ago NYC has somehow grown into this huge block in my head. I'll have you know I don't consider myself a coward but the truth is, every time I was ready to go there, I'd chicken out. Of course, I wouldn't call it chickening out, as I always had some "excuse" to postpone the trip but that's what it comes down to.

Not any more.

*     *     *     *     *

Olgierd happened and then "enough is enough" happened.

"I can do it" also happened.

And then, within two weeks of making up my mind I had managed to arrange for a place to stay, find a source of funding and book a cheap flight.

Two weeks was all it took to conquer what I had been running away from for 5 years.

Scary isn't it?

*     *      *      *      *

Get ready New York City and its dance schools - I'm coming to get you!

Failure now equals success later?

Up until not so long ago I used to think that everywhere around the world people were taught that failure was unacceptable and had to be avoided at all cost. Naturally then, I was pretty happy with myself for not having, basically ever, failed at anything remotely important.

But then, back in my AIESEC days, I went to a short lecture given by Noam Kostucki  entitled something along the lines of "The success of failure". 

It was an eye-opener.

The lecture itself was a lot of fun, very educative and entertaining, but at the same time the conclusion I arrived at by the end of it was not so much fun. I realised never having failed was nothing to be proud of because it simply meant that I had never pushed myself enough, always played it safe and adapted my goals in such a way, that I'd always stay in my comfort zone. Sometimes almost crossing that fine line between the comfort zone and the whole universe outside of it, but never quite making the jump.

Recently, I've been talking to a couple of my (oh, so amazing!) friends about success, career, drive and ambition. I was saying how I felt I was lazy and didn't have the drive to pursue 'the real thing', always staying back and thus feeling underchallenged. They were saying how they wouldn't use the word 'lazy' in the same sentence they'd form to describe me. And so it got me thinking, once again, where does this discrepancy come from? How come they seem to take me as a motivated and driven person, and I see myself as a bit of slacker?

During the last couple of years, there's been basically one big mental block I'd had in my head but I decided I've had enough and started working on removing it. I was astonished to see that within a week of making the decision, I was on the best way to actually conquering it, let alone tackling the issue at hand. Let's see how things shape up in the following months but one thing's for sure - I'll have removed it before the end of the world. Whether I find great opportunities or just an end of one of the roads on the other side of that block - it doesn't really matter much. I'll still be the winner for having taken a shot at it.

One who fears failure limits his activities.
Failure is only the opportunity to more
intelligently begin again.
Henry Ford 

Falling prey to the worst excuse out there.

Came across this article a couple of days ago. 

Found some excuses I hear from people, which annoy the heck out of me at times, as well as some I tend to use myself. Can you find a bit of your attitude in it as well?

*     *     *     *     *

One of the excusses I hate most, is "I didn't have time/ I don't have time" 'cause it's a straight-out lie. We all have time, if it is possible to view it as something to be possesed, that is. However, these days I am tempted to speak those words in regard to posting anything, though I try to fight the urge as much as I can. Why would I ever not have time to write?

An example of a Magu's day

1:40    Come back home from a snack and a beer out with Nahum (who finally found his way back to Warsaw after 6 years of promising to do so!).

2:40     Manage to fall asleep (even though you had been dead tired for some time, somehow falling asleep poses a problem).

6:00      Wakey wakey - it's time to communte 45mins each way to my folks' place to feed the cat (no comment).

8:30       Meet up with Nahum at the train station and get a coffee before saying goodbye and his getting on a train to Berlin.

9:30      Go to an appointment at an aesthetic center.

10:00    At a big bookstore looking through magazines and creating a list needed for the PR agency I intern for.

11:00     An interview with a lovely Thai girl for my column.

12:10   A meeting with my editor about the possibility of my running another column.

13:00   Arrive at the PR agency and discuss a few projects.

14:45   A sandwich for lunch and a power nap of 30'.

17:00   Give the Caribbean Body Movement class (they used to call my class reggaeton but they were wrong to do so).

18:15   Walk towards the second dance school for the night while making business calls connected to the corporate events organising company I work for.

19:30   Leave myself (and a couple of students who happened to be there) breathless during a Zumba class.

20:30   More business talks and calls follow.

21:20   Bless Ania for bringing me delicious rice with home made pesto - at least I don't have to cook tonight!

22:00   Wish Ania a safe flight to Liverpool (where she'll charm some more people) and welcome Karolina and Adam.

22:30   Supposedly start translating a legal doc for the Australian company I work for, but just drop dead on the bed and not be able to move, instead.

So tempted to say I'm short of time...