Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Relationships are limiting and other stuff

Somehow, in the age where for the first time in the humankind history people could finally live whatever life they wish for, we've globally decided to deprive ourselves of all the joys and excitment in exchange for a daily routine most of us despise. It keeps on astonishing me day in day out but there's only so many "But it's only up to you to change it!" I can offer.

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A couple of months back I met this incredibly positive girl Maggie, a Pole who's lived in Denmark for many years now, and she told me a very wise thing (well, she shared a lot of those, but that's the one I need today), which I'll paraphrase for you - Magda, when I was younger (and she is 3 or 4 years my junior... ekhm) I used to do that as well - use so much energy to try and convince people around me that they had to power to be happier. I'd talk, be excited, give them all the energy I could muster but you know what? Most of the time it would leave them stuck in the same old, whereas I'd be out of energy and would have none left for myself. Everyone's at a different stage and have their own pace, give them the time they need and let them come to you.

Already then I was planning to launch a couple of projects that would be about something more and bigger than myself, as it has mostly been till now. To tell you the truth, I think that's why I've been writing less and less, not publishing so many photos on the other blog - I've grown enough to realise that what I do is not all that meaningful to anybody else and even if it were, as I know people respond to me and my adventures, I don't reach out to as many as I think I could. Many factors contribute to the fact: I'm not "out there" in the virtual world, I do close to no publicity for my blogs, I don't write in Polish (and I think our market needs all the inspiration it can get, especially if one wants to get through to the average Joe, who won't necessarily speak English), the websites themselves are not too userfriendly or interesting yadda yadda yadda.

I didn't use to understand people who'd talk about how they truly want to help others change their lives, it sounded so cliche to me, but now I'm pretty much one of the bunch. These days, I see people look at me the way I used to look at others, whose ranks I trust I've now joined. To end this part of blabbing, let me just tell you that the blog and my writing will be moving onto a different virtual location in the following months and I wholeheartedly believe I'll be able to make better use of my time, energy, the amount of words typed and pictures published.

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However, going back to the title at hand, I wanted to share a reflection that's been coming back to me the last couple of years, whenever my relationship status was discussed. Namely, when I'd say I like being in a relationship more than being single, people would tell me something along the lines of: Well, but then you couldn't travel so much and you wouldn't be able to have all those experiences and adventures! I honesty never understood why anyone would believe that. 

When I was younger I had a long time boyfriend with whom we were planning some serious world travelling but somehow after a while all I'd hear from him in relation to those grant plans were excuses as to why we'd have to wait another year. At one point in time, we were about to break up the first day we meet personally anyways (I was living in Belgium and he was back in Poland), so one day I decided I'd had enough of waiting and booked my first solo flights, to Madrid and Mallorca. What followed later was a period of intense and, almost exclusively, solo travel. For a long time while in the relationship, I'd hold a grudge against my ex for leading me to believe we'd travel together and not following up on that promise. I used to tell him and myself alike that he was stopping me from setting off and I think it's safe to say it was one of the main reasons that we started drifting apart. Now that I'm smarter, I know he wasn't stopping me from doing anything, I was great at it all by myself. Now that I'm smarter, I know that I should have left on the trips I was dreaming about by myself and it did not in any way have to stay in contradiction to us being together. But back then, I wasn't that smart. So we drifted apart and eventually split up.

I know that for a lot of people coming out from a relatioship feels like regaining their freedom but then it just means that they weren't in a good relationship to begin with, doesn't it? Surely, you wouldn't want to tie yourself to a person who in return ties you down, would you? Or maybe it's not that that person ties us down as much as the neediness we've been taught comes with a relationship? The need to always be together, the need to share all hobbies, the need to do everything together. It's tiring to even think about all those "needs" we empose on those delicate human relations, let alone the process of executing them. 

So when you feel you're being limited by your relationship, stop. Look at yourself, at your partner, at how and what you communicate and re-evaluate. It's either your attitude or not the right partner at the time. We all grow and constantly change, even though we might not realize it. Every book you read, every person you meet, every meal you eat - all of them influence us in one way or another. Luckily, sometimes we manage to grow in the same direction our partners do, which makes for lasting relationships. Sometimes, we find each other only in a given place and for a given time to experience just a part of our life journeys together. Both cases will bring to our lives as much as we allow them to.

Coming back to the "you couldn't travel part" - why the heck not?
Here, to back up my words in the most valid way I could find, I would cordially invite you to visit this website and read all about how a relationship can be the base for a most rewarding and aventurous life.

4 komentarze:

Cristina said...

so glad you write in English ...have I told you how much I enjoy reading you and how much appreciate you taking the time to share these thoughts ?

Magu Bee said...

Hey Cristina,

No, I didn't realise you've ever read anything over here!

Glad to hear you enjoy it, thanks!

Rika said...

This post is amazing. I don't have any other words to describe it! You captured some things that have happened to me brilliantly. So glad I found you over here! Thank you!

Magu Bee said...

Hi Rika,

Glad to have you with me (us)!

And I'm happy that you can relate to what I mean. Surprisingly enough, not that many people seem to...

I hope diving's going great! :)